How vs Why Questions
Note: This topic was mentioned during the call but not discussed in depth.
John Kelly observed that "how" questions may be more neutral and less threatening than "why" questions.
John's Insight
"How is a more neutral version of why"
The Difference
"Why" questions can feel:
- Accusatory ("Why did you do that?")
- Demanding justification
- Judgmental
- Personal
"How" questions tend to feel:
- Curious about process
- Interested in mechanism
- Neutral
- Exploratory
Examples
-
"Why are you late?" → accusatory
-
"How did you get here?" → interested
-
"Why don't you agree?" → defensive
-
"How do you see it?" → curious
For Curious Practice
Using "how" instead of "why" might:
- Lower defenses
- Enable genuine answers
- Feel less threatening
- Get better information
Related to 5 Whys
The 5 Whys technique might work better as "5 Hows":
- Less confrontational
- More exploratory
- Still gets to root causes
- Safer for participants