Power Dynamics

Note: This topic was mentioned during the call but not discussed in depth.

Several participants noted that power shapes how curiosity is experienced and expressed.

Stacey's Core Insight

Stacey Druss:

"As someone who sometimes feels, or has felt disempowered, sometimes curiosity can feel like I have to explain myself."

Curiosity from those with more power can feel like:

Interrogation rather than interest
Demand for justification
Prying into private matters
Work you're being asked to do

Gender and Power

Pete Kaminski shared from Johanne:

"Men are acculturated to not be curious, especially about women."

"In a way, it was a kind of women's work, that she doesn't mind doing because it's not the worst thing that women have to do in this world."

Power dynamics:

Emotional labor falls to those with less power
Asking questions (curiosity) becomes women's work
Men with more social power aren't taught to be curious
This reinforces power imbalances

Who Asks Whom Matters

The same question means different things based on power:

From those with power:

Boss asking employee → Can feel like evaluation
Teacher asking student → Can feel like test
Man asking woman → Can feel like demand
Older asking younger → Can feel like judgment

Between equals:

Peer asking peer → Can feel like genuine interest
Friend asking friend → Can feel like care
Colleague asking colleague → Can feel like collaboration

From those seeking power:

Can feel patronizing
Can feel manipulative
Can feel like data extraction

Cultural Power

From Cultural Dimensions of Curiosity:

Different cultures have different power distances:

Some expect questions up the hierarchy
Some see questions as disrespectful
Power shapes what curiosity is appropriate

Institutional Power

Gil Friend's story about training his junior engineer:

The senior person had to teach curiosity
Power difference made feedback possible
But also might have made junior person hesitant to ask

The Disempowerment Problem

Stacey's point reveals:

Those who feel disempowered may experience questions as burden
They may lack power to refuse to answer
They may feel required to educate
Curiosity can reinforce rather than bridge power gaps

Making Curiosity Safe

If power shapes curiosity, what helps?

From Playing Games Model:

Voluntary - both parties must consent
Rules - clear norms about what's appropriate
Ability to decline or redirect

From Genuine vs Performative Curiosity:

Humility in asking
Authentic interest, not performance
Care for the person, not just information

Unanswered Questions

How do we teach curiosity across power differences?
Can those with power learn to ask without burdening?
How do we empower those without power to be curious?
What makes curiosity liberating rather than oppressive?

Site Navigation