Genuine vs Performative Curiosity

Note: This topic was mentioned during the call but not discussed in depth.

Stacey Druss made an important distinction between curiosity that is genuine and curiosity that is performative or insincere.

Stacey's Insight

"Curiosity when it's not genuine, can also be really annoying."

"As someone who sometimes feels, or has felt disempowered, sometimes curiosity can feel like I have to explain myself."

"When it's genuine, it's wonderful."

What Makes Curiosity Performative?

Performative curiosity:

Asks questions without really caring about answers
Is done because it's "supposed to"
Feels like going through motions
Carries hidden agendas
Serves the asker, not connection

How Performative Curiosity Feels

To the person being asked:

Like prying (as Jerry Michalski noted)
Like having to justify yourself
Like interrogation rather than conversation
Like emotional labor you're being asked to do
Annoying and inauthentic

What Makes Curiosity Genuine?

Pete Kaminski's response:

"It's not hard at all to learn to ask humbly and be genuinely interested in the answer."

Genuine curiosity:

Comes from real interest
Is asked with humility
Truly values the answer
Serves connection
Respects the person's choice to answer or not

The Path from Performance to Genuine

Pete suggested a progression:

Learn the practice - rote questions
Ask with humility - even if not deeply interested
Become genuinely interested - "I really do care where you grew up"

So performative practice can become genuine over time.

The Power Dimension

Stacey's point about feeling disempowered reveals:

Who asks matters. Questions from:

Those with power → can feel demanding, invasive
Equals → can feel connecting, genuine
Those seeking to help → can feel patronizing

Same question, different power context, different meaning.

Etymology Connection

From Etymology of Curiosity:

"To be curious is to care enough to pay attention."

Genuine curiosity = genuine care Performative curiosity = fake care

And we can tell the difference.

Somatic Knowing

Eve Blossom's Somatic Experiencing perspective suggests:

We know in our bodies when curiosity is genuine:

Genuine feels spacious
Performative feels constricting
Our nervous systems read authenticity

When Stacey Sets Boundaries

"I'm probably the wrong person, because I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. I probably don't care where you live, so somebody else will ask you."

This is honest - refusing to perform curiosity she doesn't feel. Pete affirmed:

"Well, you ask even better questions, Stacey."

Better to ask fewer, genuine questions than many performative ones.

Implications for Practice

If we're teaching Curiosity as Social Practice:

Start with practice (it's learnable)
Move toward genuine interest (it can be cultivated)
Respect authentic boundaries (don't force it)
Be aware of power dynamics (context matters)
Allow honesty (better to say "I don't know what to ask")

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